


Relationships

by MaxRev



Series: Shepard Appreciation 2017 [4]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Resolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-05
Updated: 2017-12-05
Packaged: 2019-02-10 21:05:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12920247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaxRev/pseuds/MaxRev
Summary: Sometimes life gives you something you desire so strongly when you need it the most.





	Relationships

**Author's Note:**

> These were all written for [ Shepard appreciation week ](https://itscommandershepard.tumblr.com/) for 2017 on Tumblr.

It was a constant dance for them, though they were never quite in sync. Lingering looks, each of them glancing away if the other noticed. Removing armor after each mission together, eyes straying to watch the play of the tight bodysuit over a muscular body. Fingers brushing together accidentally. Sitting together in the mess, knees occasionally touching under the table.

Exquisite torture, in the best and worst possible way. Questions always on the surface. Did they feel it too? Were they misreading the signs or reading them all too well?

Feelings building up over time, intensifying as those questions remained unanswered. Until one day, they were.

This latest mission had been tough, heart breaking in a way that the whole ground crew had been affected deeply. How could they come back from this? How could they not?

Shepard showered in his cabin, hot scalding water cascading over his battered and bruised body. He was desperate to wash away the pain, the weariness and frustration but didn’t get the desired result, still feeling unclean and covered in the blood of innocents he couldn’t save.

For the the millionth time, he wondered…how was he supposed to keep going? Once again, he shook it off. Defeat wasn’t a word in his vocabulary. It never had been for as far back as he could remember and to experience it now was a crushing blow he wasn’t accustomed to.

A night alone in his cabin, whiskey in hand, seemed to be the ideal solution. “EDI, lock the door to the crew.”

“Done, Commander.”

Just like that, his order obeyed. Would that everything in his life was so simple. But of course it wasn’t. He was Commander Shepard. From inside the cabin, he heard the rise of the elevator outside his door, most likely one of the crew wanting to speak to him. It was likely Liara. He wasn’t sure he could face her right now. Didn’t even want to try.

Despite the red light, whoever stood beyond his door was persistent, knocking first. When he didn’t answer, he heard a voice echo from the other side. “Shepard. Permission to enter?”

Kaidan. Made more sense than Liara, now that he thought about it. “Alenko, can’t this wait until morning? We can debrief then. I’m tired.”

“No, sir, this can’t wait.”

Resigned to the interruption, he told EDI to open the door and no sooner had the request been granted, then Kaidan strode through. The Major looked good despite the weariness that showed on his face. His hair was still wet from the shower and slightly curled, as if the gel he used was resisting his best efforts. He smelled like soap and something else Shepard couldn’t quite define.

“Get on with it then, Major. I have reports to file.”

The excuse was feeble at best but Shepard hadn’t planned on any interruptions tonight. He had nothing better to use for a defense.

By the look in the biotic’s eyes, he knew this all too well. “Actually, I just came here to check up on you. See how you were after…after Thessia.” One hand reached up, rubbing the back of his neck.

So, he was just as uncomfortable as Shepard was. Interesting. Yet, he’d still not given up.

“I’m fine, Kaidan. You can stop worrying about me and go get some sleep.”

“Uh, yeah. Not sure that’s going to happen tonight.”

“Fine. Come have a drink then?”

Kaidan looked apprehensive, eyes straying to the bottle and then back to his CO’s piercing blue eyes. Decision made, he sat down on a chair on the other side of the table, watching the amber liquid slosh into a tumbler as Shepard poured. Their fingers brushed as the glass was handed off, eyes locking.

Shepard had knocked back a few already. Heavy lidded blue eyes watched as Kaidan downed his shot of whiskey. Every single day he fought to ignore his feelings for the other man. Every single day, he wondered if he was reading certain signs correctly or instead, just completely off track. It was getting to be tiring to push them away and pretend they didn’t exist. What would it feel like, just once, to let them out in the open?

Eyes tracked the play of muscles as Kaidan leaned forward, setting the empty glass on the table. John leaned in as well with the bottle to fill it up again.

Kaidan looked up at him, a smile in his eyes, lips tilting at the corners, “Trying to get me drunk, Commander?”

Damn. Now, there was an idea. Would it help him get what he wanted? If it did, would he feel awkward afterwards? Maybe regret it or would he just be grateful to have found the answers he sought - good or bad?

“And if I am?”

“I don’t think that’s such a bad idea after what we just experienced.”

Well, then. He’d just have to see where this led.

Kaidan reached out and grabbed the glass, twisting it around in his fingers, elbows resting on his knees. As usual, the Major was lost in thought. Typical of him. Shepard longed to erase the pensive look for just a moment in time. Tipping his own glass back, he swallowed another shot, feeling the burn once again as it went down. A feeling of numbness was starting to come over him. He welcomed it. Opening his eyes, he saw those expressive brown eyes staring at him. Was that hunger he saw? His muddled mind didn’t have a chance to figure it before Kaidan turned away.

The biotic took a deep breath as if he was going to say something profound or maybe was working up the courage to say something out of place. “Need help with those reports, Commander?”

Shepard sighed. This was not going as planned. “They can wait, Kaidan. Enjoy the moment for what it is.”

Those eyes searched his. What were they looking for? Was he hoping to see something in their depths? Shepard was good at hiding his feelings. Never let anyone get close and see who you really were. Although, sometimes, it was sorely tempting to just toss his cards on the table and see what reaction you got. Like now.

They both reached for the bottle at the same time, as Kaidan had downed his second shot and had decided on another. Fingers brushed together, the contact like a bolt of electricity they both felt. Eyes connected and it felt like all the air was sucked from the room. Shepard couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think…could only feel and this time, there was no holding the flood of emotion back.

Leaning forward, he touched his lips to Kaidan’s, reveling in their softness, so unlike what he’d expected. To his surprise, the biotic kissed him back. Shepard welcomed it eagerly, felt his lungs expand in relief. This was so much more than he expected, more than he ever thought he’d have. 


End file.
